I have been 'tagged' in a 'meme' by someone called Imogen, who is a 'blogger'. I do not know what any of these words mean.

Apparently, I should reach for the book nearest to me, turn to page 123, go to the fifth sentence, and then post the next three sentences on my 'blog'.

If only Imogen had asked me earlier, I would have had so many books to choose from, including String Through The Ages, 101 Things To Do With a Bic Ballpoint Pen, the 1978 manual for an Austin Maxi, and a favourite fascinating tome called The Life and Times of a Car Park Attendant.

Unfortunately, I am currently sitting in my shed - where I have been banished by Mrs Colin whilst she is removing small hairs from intimate places that I am not allowed to see - and the only book I have to hand is called If You're Happy and You Know It by someone called Andre Jordan. Mrs Colin gave it to me for Christmas.

I have turned to page 123 and there is a picture. I think I have got this 'meme' thing all wrong. I am very confused. I hope the 'blogger' called Imogen will not be offended.

Can I go now?


This morning for breakfast, I had two crumpets and some Swiss cheese.

There were 127 individual air holes in each crumpet.

I do not know how many holes there are in the Swiss cheese, though. I am saving the enjoyment of counting those for later. Now that I am getting older, I can't take too much excitement at one go.

I will report back on my cheese-related discoveries at a later date.


As it is Saturday, I am partaking in the traditional male British pastime of watching the football.

The football was kicked onto my front drive by some children, two weeks ago.

I am watching that football.

It is not doing anything.

How exciting.