I have been 'tagged' in a 'meme' by someone called Imogen, who is a 'blogger'. I do not know what any of these words mean.

Apparently, I should reach for the book nearest to me, turn to page 123, go to the fifth sentence, and then post the next three sentences on my 'blog'.

If only Imogen had asked me earlier, I would have had so many books to choose from, including String Through The Ages, 101 Things To Do With a Bic Ballpoint Pen, the 1978 manual for an Austin Maxi, and a favourite fascinating tome called The Life and Times of a Car Park Attendant.

Unfortunately, I am currently sitting in my shed - where I have been banished by Mrs Colin whilst she is removing small hairs from intimate places that I am not allowed to see - and the only book I have to hand is called If You're Happy and You Know It by someone called Andre Jordan. Mrs Colin gave it to me for Christmas.

I have turned to page 123 and there is a picture. I think I have got this 'meme' thing all wrong. I am very confused. I hope the 'blogger' called Imogen will not be offended.

Can I go now?