Arithmetic

The lady in charge of my local £1 shop is rubbish at arithmetic.

Today, I went to her shop and bought a pack of 10 marker-pens for 99p?

Professional

I asked 'what is your occupation?'

She replied 'I am a checkout girl'.

She asked 'what is your occupation?'

I replied 'I am a professional photographer. I walk up to things and photograph them for clients who feel unable to do it themselves'.

She was very impressed.

Weird

Number of steps required to get from settee to kitchen - 20.

Number of steps required to get from kitchen back to settee - 22?

Shiny

I bought myself a Dvd player from Woolworth's today.

Unfortunately, I don't have any Dvd's to play on it and the instruction book makes no sense whatsoever.

Despite this, I am very pleased with my purchase.

Time

My hair takes 32 minutes to drip-dry [I have timed it].

I cannot say how long my hair takes to blow-dry [I do not own a hairdryer] but I suspect it would take less time.

Highlight

The phone rings, I pick it up - no one is there?
The phone rings again, I pick it up - no one is there?
The phone rings again, I pick it up - no one is there?

The rest of my day has been uneventful.